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Fail Awards XIII Opening Script - 4:15 - - Turboo
F1 - Worst Character - 4:20 - - Koopa con Carne
F6 - Worst Spin-off - 4:25 - - Roserade
F13 - Worst Remake - 4:30 - - Reverse Input
F8 - Worst Mario Kart Course - 4:35 - - Toadgamer
F14 - Worst Setting - 4:40 - - Ray Trace
F9 - Worst Direction of Series - 4:45 - - Zange
F3 - Worst 3D Level - 4:50 - - Fawfulthegreat64
F10 - Worst Game Mechanic - 4:55 - - Ninja Squid
F4 - Worst RPG Area - 5:00 - - Koops
F12 - Worst Game Objective - 5:05 - - GBAToad
F2 - Worst 2D Level - 5:10 - - Koops
F7 - Worst Enemy - 5:15 - - Gabumon
F5 - Worst Level Concept - 5:20 - - Hooded Pitohui
F11 - Most Shameless Business Decision - 5:25 - - Waluigi Time
F15 - Most Disappointing Game - 5:30 - - TPG
Fail Awards XIII Closing Script - 5:35 - - Turboo

Sou Hiyori

miss sara it seems i'm stuck on
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credit to perch for image​
I just write the same opener every year so hey all and welcome to Fail Awards XIII, where we celebrate things in Mario that are really just awful. Check out our cool new award F11 - Most Shameless Business Decision, which will be presented by Waluigi Time in like an hour from now; also check out the rest of them too because all of them are good. I just shouted that one out because it finally killed Biggest Missed Opportunity, which also means I dont have to tally it anymore.
Special shout outs to TPG for taking on a bunch of presentations and one backup, Edo for making good shit every year, FWD for doing a last-minute back up for the Mario Awards, Anton and Pitohui for helping manage the other two ceremonies and in Anton's case just generally the whole thing, LTQ for a lot of images and proofreading and tallying things (like seriously dude youre a champ), and also 22 for moral support. Also thanks everyone as usual idk I'd just be listing off names otherwise.
Here is some music because I have posted music the last few times (credit to tpg for music). Enjoy the awards everyone and I hope you enjoyed Community. Theres much more to come.

Koopa con Carne is up next with F1 - Worst Character!


where's the her/him pronouns help i'm genderfluid
guys spoilers im actually worst character
I like the idea of writing in a character for Worst Mario Character that isn't in a Mario game. Like god, the Doom Slayer makes a terrible Mario game, he isn't even in Mario, that's how bad he is

Sou Hiyori

miss sara it seems i'm stuck on
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Former 'Shroom Staff
Posting on behalf of Koopa Con Carne.


You aspire to be exalted as royalty; you each think you're a reflection of Bowser's fierce visage. What products of self-importance! Some rebel ankle biters that dream big but don’t account to much. You’re merely mandated to the assembly line. You were put there to guard a bastion and waggle a stick at intruders, and you still proved to be slow and incompetent at that; all you did was delay the inevitability of your kingdom’s ruination. Apparently this was enough to have all seven of you squeezed inside the kingdom's most notable competitions, like go-karting, as if you had the notoriety and recognition to go with it. It’s about time your confidence and hope run dry and realisation hits of how useless you truly are.


Your alien origins may explain why you're so inept at socialising with the Mushroom people. I'm sorry, you were gonna fire up some tirade on me now? You seem a little stuck! Let me give you a leg up: you're no more than an unhelpful nuisance. Unimportant in the grand scheme of things, you've only been the itty bitty cherry on top of an annoyingly trivial adventure, one people don't remember too fondly. I'd frankly not give you more attention than you're worth, but I'll say this one thing: Mario won't be here to wish you back to life!

Baby Rosalina

You were born out of a demented mind, Rosie. You aspire to be a bright star, but with how many aspirations and hopes you've consumed, I reckon you're better described as a black hole. Behind those eyes glistening with childish wonder lies a foulness that robbed families, that crumbled civilisations, that has taken delight in the pain and death of others. And the worst of all is that you were just so passive to it all, treating everything with dances of flippance.

Thankfully, your evil is now fully contained. May you choke on the star dust you've left behind.

Pink Gold Peach

I'm not sure if I should compliment or deride your decision to externalise your vice by turning your own body into gold--if this is simply you owning up to the person you're coming out as, I am not one to criticise. I'd wager that makes you a little uncomfortably cold inside, hm? Don't mind if I turn on the oven a bit; you’re 100 percent metal, so you shouldn’t feel much if I happen to go overboard. On an unrelated note, some pink gold could add a nice dazzle to my vintage Oldsmobile.

Number of votes
Percentage of votes
1Pink Gold Peach67734.59%
2Baby Rosalina23011.75%
4O. Koopalings934.75%
12Princess Daisy442.25%
15Petey Piranha351.79%
17Bowser Jr.281.43%
19O. Princess Peach90.46%
20O. Huey70.36%
21O. Candy Kong50.26%
21O. Count Bleck50.26%
21O. Luigi50.26%
24O. Kamek40.20%
25O. Baby Daisy30.15%
25O. Bowser30.15%
25O. Pauline30.15%
28O. Baby Mario20.10%
28O. Baby Peach20.10%
28O. Broodals20.10%
28O. Game Guy20.10%
28O. Iggy Koopa20.10%
28O. Lakitu20.10%
28O. Olivia20.10%
28O. Sparks20.10%
36O. Army Hammer Bro10.05%
36O. Baby Luigi10.05%
36O. Badge Bandit10.05%
36O. Beep-010.05%
36O. Blockafeller10.05%
36O. Boom Boom10.05%
36O. Bowletta10.05%
36O. Cackletta10.05%
36O. Cappy10.05%
36O. Colored Pencils10.05%
36O. Dark Bowser10.05%
36O. Donkey Kong10.05%
36O. Dr. Eggman10.05%
36O. Dry Bowser10.05%
36O. Elder Princess Shroob10.05%
36O. Geno10.05%
36O. Hariet10.05%
36O. Hisstocrat10.05%
36O. Honey Queen10.05%
36O. Il Piantissimo10.05%
36O. King Boo10.05%
36O. King Olly10.05%
36O. Madame Flurrie10.05%
36O. MC Ballyhoo10.05%
36O. Mona10.05%
36O. Mr. L10.05%
36O. Nabbit10.05%
36O. Oogtar10.05%
36O. Professor E. Gadd10.05%
36O. Rabbid Rosalina10.05%
36O. Roy Koopa10.05%
36O. Sprixie Princesses10.05%
36O. Tiara10.05%
36O. Toadette10.05%
36O. Wendy O. Koopa10.05%
36O. Yoshi10.05%
Total Votes: 1957
results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably

Roserade is up next with F6 - Worst Spin-off!

Prince Peach

The Tycoon Tyrant
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Well Bambina, we made it, despite your directions.

Ema Skye
Ah, excellent, we've arrived without a hitch!

Ema Skye
Thank you so much for accompanying me, Mr. Marshall! Being beside you once more has been a real treat!

Don't sweat the pleasantries, Bambina. It's not as if I had anythin' else happenin' in this afterlife. D'you mind tellin' me where we've tumbled into?

Ema Skye
The two of us have arrived in what is known as the Awards Realm. To my understanding, this is where the ghosts of celebrations past congregate to watch the proceedings of the living, wear fun party hats, and reflect on what has come before.

Ema Skye
Look, there's a relic of the past right there! An old photograph of a past presentation! What could the photo be of?

Ema Skye

So then, what are we doin' here, rollin' into a ghost town?

Ema Skye
We're here to commit to the greatest task of all: scientific analysis! I've been asked to present on the Worst Mario Spin-off Games and commentate on their placements, and I'd like you to assist me, Mr. Marshall!

"Analysis"? That's what you brought this desperado here for? You know that isn't my speed, Bambina.

Ema Skye
Relax, Mr. Marshall! Just follow my lead and this'll go swimmingly! Now let me go ahead and pull out my notes...

Ema Skye
In third place, we have Mario Kart Tour, the notorious mobile game.

What, a Mario Kart game made the worst list? I thought most of you cowpokes adored this series. You get to race as Mario in fun outfits through Paris, and you get to take the game anywhere you roam, so what's so bad about that?

Ema Skye
Mario Kart Tour has a lot of systemic issues, Mr. Marshall. Conceptually the game is seen as flawed. For one, the controls are minimalistic, and hardly compare to the quick reaction gameplay you see in mainline Mario Kart games. Additionally, the player doesn't get to compete against other players in real time, but rather the computers emulating the other players' racing.

Ema Skye
Perhaps most egregious, however, is the incision of gacha elements - characters are kept behind random chance to be made playable, and players are encouraged to spend real world money to have an opportunity to get a character or costume they like! Couple this practice with limited-time events, and you've got people clambering to spend what they can to get the characters they adore!

What?! That sounds like the perfect way to prey upon unsuspectin' consumers, like hawks descending on the desert jackrabbit!

Ema Skye
You've got that right, Mr. Marshall, which is why the game has planted itself firmly in third place. Scientific analysis tells me that 0% of players enjoy having their favorite racers locked behind paywalls!

Somethin' tells me this game won't live up to its God-given title.

Ema Skye
You'd think with a name like Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash, this game would fare far better than it did, but the game was a massive let-down. In fact, though Ultra Smash is the seventh game in the Mario Tennis series, my notes tell me that a reviewer once said that the game was a step back from even the first game in the series!

Color me impressed. How'd they pull that off?

Ema Skye
Ultra Smash is widely regarded as the most incomplete, bare-bones game in the entire sports category of games. Though the game supposedly touts four different game modes, all of them operate exactly the same mechanically, with the differences only surmounting to stuff like "there's no Mega Mushroom in this mode". This is the same series that used to have a story mode, and now all that's given is basic tennis.
That's not to mention the courts, which are all completely flat, and the effects they have on play are miniscule at best. Compared to the generally wild court design of previous entries, Ultra Smash does nothing interesting at all with the designs it has.

Putting minimal content into your vidya game? Sounds like a recipe for the ol' boilin' pot of disaster.

Ema Skye
And unlike with more recent sports titles, no content was added to the game after launch, which means that this was the entire product gamers got to enjoy.

Ema Skye
Quite the disappointment for a full-price retail game, I'm sure...

Ema Skye
Did you hear that, Mr. Marshall? I think I heard all of the ghosts in here sigh at once!

They must be used to this stinker placing first.

Ema Skye
I'm certain they are, because according to my data collection, Paper Mario: Sticker Star has been placing first ever since 2016! I knew this game was disliked, but never to such a degree!

Really, Bambina? This game here is so notorious, I've even heard whisperin's about it in the Wild West. Many consider this game to be the one that "killed" the Paper Mario series, and from what I've come to know, I can't blame 'em. All of the adventure, new characters, new places to see, dramatic story, all of it was stripped away in this game. It's like watchin' a Western that only takes place in the attic of the saloon, and there's no shoot off!

Ema Skye
This is all true. The game commonly receives gripes from fans regarding how it handles its world, all the way to making every character you engage with an average, everyday Toad.
But perhaps that could be forgiven if the gameplay was solid.

Well, is it?

Ema Skye
Of COURSE not! There's no experience points for leveling up, there's no partner system, and all of your attacks are done through collected stickers! Not to mention that many bosses require you to use a specific item to beat them! It's a far cry to how Paper Mario once played, and the developers have yet to restore the series to its former turn-based glory. Sticker Star is practically a travesty!

At least the game can give you a chuckle, here and there.

Ema Skye
It seems that's the only praise fans are willing to give.

Ema Skye
See, Mr. Marshall? That wasn't so bad at all! You and I, we make a great team! With my scientific inquiry and your cowboy charms, it's like we were meant to be partners!

Ahah... I can agree with you on that, Bambina.

Say, how bout we hang around these parts a little longer? These fellow drifters seem to be havin' a good time themselves, and it'd be nice to stick around somewhere, for a small while.

Ema Skye
I would be honored to stay for the day! We could watch the rest of the presentations, and wear those goofy hats!

It's settled, then. We're plantin' our feet here for the afternoon. Would you care for a swig to get the party started?

Ema Skye
Mr. Marshall! It's improper to be drinking at such an important, prestigious event!

You've already forgotten, Bambina. It's just water.

Ema Skye
Oh, right.

(A special thank you to Pitohui for introducing the Ema in this presentation, and for giving me permission to use his take on the character)

Number of votes
Percentage of votes
1Paper Mario: Sticker Star42623.76%
2Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash27115.11%
3Mario Kart Tour22112.33%
4Super Mario Run1548.59%
5Mario Pinball Land1096.08%
6Mario Party 101015.63%
7Dr. Mario World935.19%
8Mario Party Advance864.80%
9Game & Wario724.02%
10Mario Party 9653.63%
11Dr. Mario 64422.34%
12Mario Kart Arcade GP games412.29%
13Mario Kart: Super Circuit251.39%
14Mario Super Sluggers241.34%
15O. Hotel Mario100.56%
16O. Paper Mario: Color Splash70.39%
17O. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe40.22%
17O. Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door40.22%
17O. Super Paper Mario40.22%
20O. Mario Party: The Top 10030.17%
21O. Donkey Kong Jr. Math20.11%
21O. I Am a Teacher: Super Mario no Sweater20.11%
21O. Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle20.11%
21O. Mario Party 820.11%
21O. Mario's Time Machine20.11%
21O. Super Mario Kart20.11%
21O. Super Mario Party20.11%
28O. Game & Watch: Super Mario Bros.10.06%
28O. Luigi's Mansion 310.06%
28O. Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (DS)10.06%
28O. Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games10.06%
28O. Mario Golf: Super Rush10.06%
28O. Mario Kart 710.06%
28O. Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit10.06%
28O. Mario Kart: Double Dash!!10.06%
28O. Mario Paint10.06%
28O. Mario Sports Mix10.06%
28O. Mario Sports Superstars10.06%
28O. Mario Tennis Open10.06%
28O. Mario's Early Years! Preschool Fun10.06%
28O. Puzzle & Dragons: Super Mario Bros. Edition10.06%
28O. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars10.06%
28O. WarioWare Gold10.06%
28O. Yoshi Touch & Go10.06%
Total Votes: 1793
results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably

Reverse Input is up next with F13 - Worst Remake!