The Bird with Batrachotoxin!
Core 'Shroom Staff
I... I see. While I cannot dismiss Miss Piggy, as an exemplary character and or as a model of porcine influence in media, I still find it difficult to believe so few of you have come to realize the utility of chickens. What a true shame this is. After all the arguments presented in favour of chickens, you continue to align with the swine.
Well, there is nothing left to do but to make a final push. So for you chicken chasers, you rooster respecters, and you avian aficionados, I am prepared to lead us in our closing arguments. Let's look now at the pre-prepared argument I constructed for this event!
Closing Argument: The Utility of Chickens
How many different uses can you think of for a pig, pray tell? You can make pork out of them? You can... watch them? Have them search for truffles for you? Bah! What pitiful creatures. Consider all that a chicken can do for you!
- Chickens can provide you with eggs.
- Chickens can provide you with meat.
- It can be light meat.
- It can be dark meat.
- Bake it, fry it, boil it, broil it, grill it. What can't you do with chicken?
- You can have a chicken hold your camera.
- They're just cute to watch and fun to have around, providing a source of joy and entertainment.
- On top of all of that, chickens provide this utility with a smaller carbon footprint than do cows and... pigs!
- Need I also remind you that the humble chicken egg plays a key role in the biotechnology and medical industry? As just one example, remember that eggs are used in the production of the flu vaccine!
So you see, chickens are more than just sources of meat, unlike pigs, which immediately and indisputably makes them more valuable. If you have limited resources and the apocalypse strikes, better to have a collection of chickens that can provide meat and eggs than pigs which only provide meat.
What's that, you say this was a weak argument? Well, recall, I prepared these in advance, and many of the points I could make have been brought up by other participants. I thank you, all of you supporters of chickens, for all the points you have brought up, as entertaining and educational they have been. The rest, I leave to you, but...
There are a few individuals I need to call upon.
And what can you say of the chicken's versatility? Fried? Grilled? Yeah, I thought that's all you have to say. You make me weep. And that's ignoring the sheer artform of preparing the pig for consumption; the Italians possess centuries-old cellars devoted to nothing but curing fine sausages, while in comparison, I've seen rusty latrines cleaner than certain fried chicken grease traps.
Ah, Mariofan, you apparent connoisseur, you were one of the earliest to bring up food in this context. Yet, you savagely attack the chicken for having few unique methods of preparing chicken while praising pigs for being prepared in a great variety of ways...
Yet, it seems that even a cursory search on Wikipedia for lists of dishes involving chicken will turn up a diversity of methods of chicken preparation. From kebabs to... less savoury methods of preparing barbequed chicken... whatever you might think of, it is here.
It seems to me, Mariofan, that your point is moot. Chicken preparation is just as much an artform, with just as many varieties, as pig preparation. Furthermore, not only are chickens prepared in a great variety of ways, but they have multiple food franchises dedicated entirely to serving them (generally in fried form). Beyond some hole-in-the-wall pulled pork barbeque joints, do pigs have such esteemed representation? I think not.
Ah, and... Mr. Nitwit, you, professed proponent of all things pork and porcine... I have a question for you...
This quote is an accurate one, yes?
You. Mr. Nitwit, confess that the character Hibiki Tachibana, is a likeable, character. Nay, you go further and imply that it would be difficult for anyone to dislike her... So, Nitwit, I'm very glad to have your support, then. Let's consider the facts. Epic Nitwit has provided his endorsement of Hibiki Tachibana. A quick search will reveal that Hibiki Tachibana and Kanade Amou were designed with the motif of a mother hen and a baby chick in mind. Ergo, take it from Mr. Nitwit himself that characters with chicken motifs and inspirations are worth supporting, and chickens, then, are worth supporting.
It's not worth pretending that this means you yourself, Nitwit, are a chicken supporter, but if even he can see the greatness of characters inspired by chickens, perhaps it's worth, for all of you, taking a second look at chicken-inspired characters, hmm?
Ah, now, the rest truly is up to you, you chicken supporters! I implore you to get as many voices from the community as you can involved. Remember, pigs may have won twice the extra points for the effort category, but that is only one category. We can win on votes and endorsements alone, if you get enough allies to make a short endorsement post in the thread and cast their final vote for chickens!