: There's a... business offer I'd like to discuss with you.
: It's, ah, about the banana supply...
: ...Go on.
"...Y-you've been great contestants!"
Those were Swanky Kong's final words. He wasn't the only casualty; while the area still had some smoke covering it, there were clearly quite a few corpses scattered around.
Kiddy Kong managed to avoid the rain of peanuts and coconuts due to his mobility; others, like Wrinkly Kong and Baby Donkey Kong, weren't so lucky. The war for the banana supply was intense, and while no one wanted to admit it out loud, killing the elderly and the young would be required no matter what. It was obvious that someone had already accepted this fact.
His heart was racing, and his mind had abandoned all thoughts of coming into possession of the hoard; all he wanted was to get out alive. He had no weapon, something that hindered his already slim chances of survival. His plan was to fight back using his fists.
Unfortunately, he didn't get a chance to execute it; while dashing towards the direction of the gunfire that took out Swanky and the others, in hopes of getting revenge on the killer, he was stopped by a high-speed barrage of peanuts. The amount of them, combined with their sheer force, caused him to drop dead a few seconds before the fire ceased.
The first thing Chunky Kong saw after turning around was his younger brother's dead body. He'd already had enough of the fighting the minute he entered the battlefield; this made him so overcome with fright and resolve to escape that he couldn't even feel sad. Making sure the coast was clear, he ran over to Tiny Kong and Lanky Kong, who were on guard with their respective weapons, and mentioned a plan to find shelter. He told them that keeping their group safe would be the best plan of action right now, since someone had killed a whole slew of Kongs already. Tiny and Lanky looked at each other before nodding in approval; they wanted to escape too, but knew that that wasn't an option and that crowding more than 3 Kongs in a group would be disastrous if anything were to go wrong. Stuffing away their weapons so they could move as fast as possible, they set off looking for an adequately covered space.
Their main mistake was rushing. When Chunky tripped, they had their back turned to oncoming attacks. Tiny and Lanky rushed to help Chunky off the ground, trying to pull him up as fast as possible. Chunky struggled to push himself up as well, but their combined efforts were worthless in the end. Right before they finished, an orange, smelling of gunpowder and hissing violently, landed on the ground in front of Chunky's face. The only thing the trio could do was gasp in horror before it exploded on them.
After hearing a huge explosion, Cranky Kong slowly surveyed the area from his alleyway shelter. He managed to brush off the gunfire like it was nothing, but even his arrogance couldn't stop him from worrying about the presence of bombs on the battlefield. He figured the combatants had ignored him due to his age and the fact he only brought a cane to the fight, but he was definitely in danger if his hiding place could now be easily destroyed by some lunatic out for nothing but blood and the hoard. He saw quite a few corpses lying around, but one in particular stood out to him.
It couldn't be, he thought. His vision was just acting up as usual, it had to be. She told him she would go for shelter as soon as the battle officially begun, but here was a corpse that, despite being battered with holes, looked exactly like his beloved wife, Wrinkly Kong. He could feel nothing but rage as he swore to kill whoever did this to her, and conveniently, he spotted a mysterious shadow out of the corner of his eye. It was large, so it couldn't have been Dixie or Diddy, and he sincerely doubted his grandson would kill his own grandmother, even with the promise of near-endless bananas. He charged over as fast as he could and raised his cane to deliver a killing blow, but then the unexpected happened: he tripped on a banana peel lying in the middle of the field. It only took a few seconds before his head cracked on the concrete.
It had been a while since Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong had heard the explosion, and they had already met up to discuss the casualties. Diddy lamented that Chunky, Tiny, and Lanky all fell victim to the orange grenade, while DK sadly brought up that Candy Kong was part of the group gunned down near the beginning of the fight. Neither of them had heard from Dixie since they entered the arena, so they hoped that she had just found a good hiding place and wanted to gather info from there; as if on cue, she ran up to the pair with a somewhat grim look on her face. She mentioned to DK that, along with the explosion and gunfire deaths, Cranky was killed by what was seemingly an accidental fall. DK looked even more disheartened by the news, but brought up to the other two Kongs that they should discuss strategies now that they were all gathered. Both nodded in agreement and thought about how all three could escape, and to a lesser extent, whether successfully doing that would grant them shared ownership over the hoard.
They only realized how their chatter and location made them easy targets when an orange grenade came barreling towards Dixie at ridiculous speeds. The impact and the subsequent explosion made her slam into the wall of a nearby building with so much force that if she wasn't already dead, she certainly was now. She was facing directly away from the projectile; with the way Diddy and DK were positioned, they had barely enough time to just react and run, so sticking around to push Dixie out of the way would have meant certain death. Still out of it and unable to do anything but wonder just who did this, they picked themselves up and had their question answered. Coming from the direction of the shot, Funky Kong slowly stepped into the battlefield, armed to the teeth with weapons of all kinds. For no reason but to create twisted dramatic effect, he stomped over one of the corpses, producing a loud crunching noise. As soon as he came into view, Diddy and DK's dazed states were quickly overwrote by nothing but pure anger and hatred. They got out their popguns and shooter, respectively, and said nothing as they prepared to engage Funky in what seemed to be the final battle.
Everyone seemed to fight on instinct and adrenaline alone; Diddy, DK, and Funky were so focused on nothing but the clash to the death that any details would be ridiculously hazy and difficult to recall. All in all, the two pals emerged victorious (though not without a few scrapes, DK more injured than Diddy), while Funky was on the verge of death. With the heat of the battle slowly fading, they immediately took to questioning Funky just why he did this. Why did he kill Dixie, as well as presumably most, if not all, of the other competitors? Was the hoard really worth the price of his friends' lives? Could he really have been that heartless? Even with Diddy and DK giving him death glares from a fair distance, he couldn't help but let out a faint chuckle that quickly rose in volume. The pair's expression was still solid as ever, even while he seemingly lost it right in front of them.
"I was always nuts. You might even say... coconuts."
With blinding speed a dying man should not have been able to achieve, he whipped out a coconut launcher and used the last of his energy to shoot directly at DK before dropping dead. While both certainly noticed the shot, DK's injuries from the fight hampered his reaction time. In the second he thought it would be over, Diddy jumped in front of him, kicked him aside, and directly took the shot, breaking the coconut into sharp, jagged pieces. Even though the concrete landing certainly didn't help anything, DK forcibly pushed himself up and went over to his best friend as fast as he could.
Aside from the coconut hitting him at extremely close range, the broken pieces of it had also stabbed him in several areas, causing heavy bleeding. Like this, he would only be able to survive another few minutes. Diddy looked at him and smiled weakly, apologizing for being so reckless. Dixie's death had just started to set in for DK, so seeing Diddy like this pushed him to the point of hysterics. He dropped to the ground and kneeled next to Diddy, asking why, why did he do that? The bullet was meant for him, why did he take it? He could have lived on, taken the hoard, tried to live out the rest of his life normally... why did he end his own life to save another? Diddy just let out a faint chuckle, but it was much different from Funky's; it carried no trace of malicious intent and was simply the sound of someone at their end. He told DK that he couldn't shoulder the burden of living both without him and Dixie, and that it was better that he lived on since he knew he was strong enough to get past the pain. There was still hope for DK, and that's why he did it. DK frantically pleaded with Diddy to not die, it's not too late, maybe they'll send help; he was unable to accept the inevitable.
"...I-I want you to... to live on and get through this. I know you can, we've been through... so much together... take the hoard and... start a new life. The one you deserve a-after... all this..."
Those were Diddy Kong's final words.
He sat there in silence, silence that couldn't be corrupted by anything, not even the wind blowing. His breathing was almost unhearable, and he expressed no emotion. It seemed like an eternity before that immaculate silence was broken. A sleek black vehicle pulled up next to him, and the person that came out was enough to give a dumbfounded tinge to his previously completely stoic expression. Candy Kong, thought to have died in the initial shootout, was standing here in front of DK, alive and uninjured. The first thing she did, seemingly without regard for DK's shattered emotional state, was congratulate him for winning the battle. She told him that he certainly deserved his victory; it was impossible to tell if this was what she actually thought. She told him he had a choice from here, and that it was entirely up to him which way to go. Even then, she took a long, sweeping look around the arena, littered with nothing but corpses and debris, and asked one question:
"Was it really worth it?"
: So's didja get anythin' outta him? Oh, oh, did ya get a look at his fine right-hand assistant I've been hearin' 'bout?
: I got to see her, yes. But he got a bit... touchy when I went into the specifics of the offer, so I'm damn lucky he didn't throw me out of the window of the skyscraper... I wonder if he's still trying to cope with that incident?
: Ah, yeah, wasn't his name Donk-
: Shhh! Shhh! You know he hates that name now. They say it reminds him of all he lost.
: He could have this whole street watched to hell and back, so hope no one overheard what you said! Besides, you should already know the one name he responds to now... the Kongfather.
A21 - Favorite Kong [1318 votes] 1. Donkey Kong - 430 (32.6%) 2. Diddy Kong - 328 (24.9%) 3. Funky Kong - 214 (16.2%)
4. Dixie Kong - 85 (6.4%)
5. Cranky Kong - 84 (6.3%)
6. Tiny Kong - 66 (5.0%)
7. Lanky Kong - 40 (3.0%)
8. Chunky Kong - 35 (2.7%)
9. Candy Kong - 22 (1.7%)
O. Kiddy Kong - 5
O. Baby Donkey Kong - 2
O. Swanky Kong - 2
O. Wrinkly Kong - 2
O. Bluster Kong - 1
O. Donkey Kong Jr - 1
O. Karate Kong - 1
Heello, everyone, welcome to a presentation by yours truly, Pyro! My awards adventures are surely over and I sure am glad they are because they took a hell of a long time to make. However, this one's still special because I've got special guest Wario to help me present results.
I'M-A Wario, numbah one!
Hello Wario, are you excited for today?
I'm-a excited for my brilliant, money-making games to go up against each other!
It's all strange because no matter what you will still win.
Alright, Wario, ready to commentate on the results?
I'm-a ready as ever!
WarioWare: Twisted - 38 votes!
My motion-controlled masterpiece gets last place? That's impossible!
I assume it's because nobody really played it. It was never released in Europe.
Europe must be a place where brilliant masterpieces are forbidden!
I have so many counters for that statement.
What did you say?!
Wario: Master of Disguise - 49 votes!
Ah, my only platformer for the DS! I loved it.
As much as I love the Wario series, I've never heard of this one.
Go figure, the Wiki page is horribly written!
Wario Land 3 - 63 votes!
Ah, my last Game Boy outing!
A proper one too.
I remember my fight with Rudy the Clown!
WarioWare: Touched! - 66 votes!
The touchiest of my adventures!
Touching is good.
Don't say that. Ever.
WarioWare: Mega Party Game$! - 78 votes!
One of my better money-grabbing ideas!
But it was a remake.
Wario Land - 101 votes!
My first outing! How nostalgic.
But...it was so weird. You had powerups, you couldn't transform, you had time limits...
And Kirby couldn't copy in his first outing, and who's complaining about that?!
Fifth Place ~
Hey, wait! What happened to sixth place?!
Wario Land 4 & Wario World - 125 votes!
A tie?! But one is clearly better than the other!
The presentations are better when I don't angrily voice my OUTRAGE AGAINST WARIO LAND 4 NOT WINNING AARRRGHGHHGG
Game & Wario - 136 votes!
My latest outing stands high!
Your latest outing's Gamer minigame sucks beyond belief.
But it's got microgames in it!
The stupid sleeping mechanic.
You're just paranoid of 5-Volt.
WarioWare: D.I.Y. - 140 votes!
Woo-hoo! Into the top three!
This is addicting, almost all five of the shelves are filled and Showcase is getting clogged up too.
In a good way, right?
If there's a sequel, please make it so you can make your own stages and boss microgames...
Wario Land: Shake It! - 156 votes!
A return to my treasure-hunting adventures!
I heard it wasn't very good.
I also heard it was good.
The internet is a harsh mistress.
Virtual Boy Wario Land - 9,999,999 votes!
Are you serious?
Can you take a joke?
First Place, for real...
WarioWare: Smooth Moves! - 179 votes!
Wa-ha-ha! This makes sense!
Totally my favorite WarioWare game.
My motion-controlled outings are ALWAYS the best!
And that's it for A6 Favorite Wario Game! We're getting close to the end, guys!
A6 - Favorite Wario Game [1286 votes] 1. WarioWare: Smooth Moves - 179 (13.92%) 2. Wario Land: Shake It! - 156 (12.13%) 3. WarioWare: D.I.Y. - 140 (10.89%)
4. Game & Wario - 136 (10.58%)
5. Wario Land 4 - 125 (9.72%)
5. Wario World - 125 (9.72%)
7. Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 - 101 (7.85%)
8. WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Party Game$! - 78 (6.07%)
9. WarioWare: Touched! - 66 (5.13%)
10. Wario Land 3 - 63 (4.90%)
11. Wario: Master of Disguise - 49 (3.81%)
12. WarioWare: Twisted! - 38 (2.95%)
O. Wario Land II - 13
O. WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$! - 9
O. Wario's Woods - 6
O. WarioWare: Snapped! - 2
Up next is Baby Mario Bloops with A16, Favorite Mario Party Game!