OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS V CEREMONY

Anser

King Bowser
Kellam said:
Welcome, everybody, to the fifth annual Fail Awards. I am your host for the third time in a row, Gamefreak75. While the main purpose of the Mario Awards is to celebrate the Mario Wiki’s anniversary and glorifying the Mario series, is it really perfect? New Super Mario Bros 2 says otherwise.

If you want to read how the Fail Awards started, go read my post from last year.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it wasn't much, but then again, the opening speech isn't the meat of this event. We hope you enjoy this year’s presentations!



Uniju is up first with F1, Worst Character!
OMG :'D
 

Uniju

Hazukashii serifu kinshi
Hi everybody and-a welcome to the Mario Show!
*thunderous applause
* I'm-a your host, Mario! And today we're-a going to be coming-a to you live-a from the Super Mario Super Awards! Woohoo! *thunder applause
* Today we've-a got-a three very special-a guests so let's-a bring them in! Our first guest of the night is Mimi! *thunderous boos
as Mimi walks onto the stage*

Mario: Hey, Mimi.
Mimi: Hi.
Mario: Let's get right down to business.
Mimi: Okay.
Mario: I understand that everybody you've ever loved has left you upon discovering that your true form is that of a giant arthropodean eldritch abomination that devours men's souls, is that true?
Mimi: Yes.
Mario: Tell us how that makes you feel.
Mimi: Well, uh, it makes me feel, um, pretty bad. Eheh. Uh.
Mario: Go on.
Mimi: *sniff* Uh, you know, I just want people to love me for who I am, you know?
Mario: I understand.
Mimi: I can't help it that I have eight, ten-foot long legs, or that my primary source of calories is the life energy of mortals. I'm just a normal girl with feelings like anybody else.
Mario: Right. And is that why your boyfriend left you?
Mimi: Y-yes.
Mario: Great! Later on we're going to have a priest in to exorcise this deplorable being, but now let's move on to our next guest! *thunderous applause
*
Mario: Lubba! *scattered boos
as Lubba travels onto the stage*

Mario: Hi Lubba, glad you could make it!
Lubba: Glad to be here.
Mario: Now, you're from space, right?
Lubba: Yes. Space.
Mario: It must be pretty lonely up there, huh? Nothing around you but the pitch black expanse of infin-
Lubba: Actually, I live on a tiny planet in the shape of your head.

Mario: What?!?!

Mario: Toad get out of here you're not suppose to be on the stage.
Toad: You can't tell me what to do, you're not even my real dad!

Mario furiously mashes the security button on the underside of his desk, until Waluigi reluctantly puts down his Nintendo 3DS playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf(Spoilers: this will run Favourite Game) and comes out onto the stage to collect Toad.

Mario: Okay. That was weird. Now, where were we?
Lubba: We were talking about your head.

Mario: Oh, yes. My head is actually a very significant matter of intellectual discussion, isn't it? We had SnackServ on last week with his new book on it!

Lubba: No, in space.
Mario: Oh, right. So you live on my head, in space?
Lubba: Yeah. It's not much, but it's a roof over my head.
Mario: More like, a head over your head, right?
*laugh track*
Lubba: Uh, haha. Yeah, I guess.
Mario: Anyway, it's been great having you on the show.
Lubba: It's been great being here.
Mario: Yeah, it's too bad about that thing that happened but we're already out of time! We're going to be moving on to our next guest now.

Lubba slowly begins to float back up to space as the next guest walks onto the stage.

Mario: Birdo!

The audience begins to boo powerfully
and throw empty bottles onto the stage.

Mario: Welcome onto the show, Birdo.
Birdo: Thanks. Hi.
Mario: What are you doing these days, now that Wart is gone?
Birdo: Oh, I'm working under Bowser now.
Mario: As a boss?
Birdo: Oh, no, just, you know, kart racing, and stuff.
Mario: Oh, yeah? Great. Good for you.
Birdo: Yeah.
Mario: I understand you have a new book out?
Birdo: Yes, about the struggles of living as a transgendered person in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Mario: Wow, that's really interesting.
Birdo: Uh, thank you, I-
Mario: Why don't you tell us a little bit about your relationship with Yoshi?

Birdo: Oh, you've heard the rumors. Well, we really are just-
Mario: Why don't we bring him out?
Yoshi: Yoshi!

Birdo: Yoshi! What are you doing here?
Yoshi: Yoshi yoshi, yoshi!
Birdo: What are you talking about, Yoshi?!
Yoshi: Yoshi yoshi yoshi, yoshi. Yoshi yoshi?
Birdo: What? Why are you just saying your name over and over?

Paramedics soon arrived on the scene. It was later discovered that Yoshi had had a stroke. His grasp on language never fully recovered.

F1. Worst Character [2,072 votes]
1st Birdo – 365 (17.56%)
2nd Lubba – 270 (13.03%)
3rd Mimi – 223 (10.76%)
4th Waluigi – 202 (9.75%)
Honorable mention: Hootie the Big Blue Fish - 1

1. Birdo – 365 (17.56%)
2. Lubba – 270 (13.03%)
3. Mimi – 223 (10.76%)
4. Waluigi – 202 (9.75%)
5. Fawful – 153 (7.38%)
6. Daisy – 136 (6.56%)
7. Starlow – 94 (4.54%)
8. Bowser Jr. – 87 (4.2%)
9. Peach – 86 (4.15%)
10. Petey Piranha – 84 (4.05%)
11. Wario – 82 (3.91%)
12. Mario – 46 (2.22%)
O. Bowser – 10
O. Baby Daisy - 7
O. Kersti – 7
O. Honey Queen - 6
O. Nabbit - 6
O. Baby Peach – 5
O. Diddy Kong - 5
O. Metal Mario – 5
O. Toadette – 5
O. Kamek - 4
O. Luigi – 4
O. MC Ballyhoo – 4
O. Yoshi - 4
O. Cackletta - 3
O. Madame Flurrie – 3
O. The Chimp – 3
O. Rosalina – 3
O. Boo – 2
O. Count Bleck – 2
O. Dixie Kong – 2
O. Fawful – 2
O. Goomba – 2
O. Jr Troopa – 2
O. Koopa Kid – 2
O. Queen Bean – 2
O. Stuffwell – 2
O. Tippi – 2
O. Beldam – 1
O. Bestovius – 1
O. Big Bertha - 1
O. Bowletta – 1
O. Bowyer – 1
O. Candy Kong – 1
O. Croco – 1
O. Dimentio – 1
O. Dry Bones – 1
O. Dry Bowser – 1
O. Dr. Eggman – 1
O. Dupree – 1
O. Eely Mouth - 1
O. FLUDD - 1
O. Funky Kong – 1
O. Fuzzy – 1
O. General White – 1
O. Geno – 1
O. Grubba – 1
O. Grodus – 1
O. Goombella – 1
O. Hootie the Big Blue Fish - 1
O. Ice Bro – 1
O. Indiana Joe – 1
O. King Boo – 1
O. Koopa Bros – 1
O. Lakitu – 1
O. Lord Crump – 1
O. Ludwig – 1
O. Luvbi – 1
O. Magikoopa – 1
O. Merlon – 1
O. Morton Koopa Jr. - 1
O. Mr. I – 1
O. Mr. L – 1
O. Ms. Mowz – 1
O. Ninja Kong - 1
O. Oogtar - 1
O. Parakarry – 1
O. Paratroopa – 1
O. Pianta – 1
O. Shroobs – 1
O. Shy Guy – 1
O. Skellyrex – 1
O. Sushi - 1
O. Tatanga – 1
O. Toadsworth - 1
O. Venus Fire Trap – 1
O. Wendy O. Koopa – 1
O. Yellow Toad - 1



Lily is up next with F6, Worst Spin-off!
 

Anser

King Bowser
LOL, I knew Birdo would win. I don't get all the Lubba hate, though.

Waluigi should have been second.
 

SKmarioman

King Bowser
Kingbowser99 said:
nsymon said:
PM:SS > NSMB2
other way around, there was no worse game than paper Mario sticker star
Personally I thought NSMB2 was kind of bland and unoriginal though.

Back on topic, well I can't congratulate anyone for winning now so...
 

NSY

Celestial Guide
I like all of the top 5

Birdo remains undefeated.
 

Gamefreak75

"The hated boss who beats you down..."
Forum Moderator
Chat Administrator
Core 'Shroom Staff
Awards Committee
Retired Wiki Staff
Lily couldn't be here to post, so I'm posting her presentation for her.

F6.: Worst Spinoff
Hands on experience.
Haruka Nanase ripped off his shirt, revealing his perfectly sculpted chest and his strong triceps. Then he dived into the clear, blue pool: the water was sparkling from the gentle sunlight. As Nanase entered the water, he pulled himself through the liquid with his strong arms, pushing the water away and propelling him along the pool. When he reached the end of the pool, he stood up and shook out his wet black hair.

You guessed it, I was watching ‘Free! Iwatobi Swim Club’ and enjoying myself while doing so, I had this weird emotion which you couldn’t describe, it just made me feel… all buzzy. Then I realised how silly I was being; I was getting all excited and happy over a cartoon. The weather in New Wikisburg wasn’t great, I glanced out of the window and saw the raindrops falling by, sometimes hitting the window on their way. To be honest, the weather was miserable, considering it was the middle of summer. The poor weather meant that I was trapped inside my home with nothing really to do but watch anime’s about attractive young men who dramatically strip of to dubstep at every opportunity.

Then I heard a knock at the door. I quickly paused the show and wandered towards the door. I opened it to see a familiar face. He was a big, bulky thing and was wearing a ridiculous yellow coat to stop him getting doused by the rain. It was Neptune.
‘Hey Lily darling!’ He said, wandering into my home. As I closed the door behind him, I noticed nasty brown marks he was leaving on the clean lilac carpet, it made me feel a slight pain from annoyance but all the same, I tried to look away from it and smile: Neptune was my friend after all, even if he was one who liked wrecking the carpet which I cleaned the other week to the point where I probably burnt as much calories as I would have by doing a full-body workout; I was literally leaving a nasty trail of sweat behind me after I had finished.

Neptune wandering into the living room, where I was before, my laptop was placed on the purple leather sofa, where I was sat before. Neptune placed himself on the sofa, a little across from the laptop.
‘Do you want a drink or anything?’ I called, wandering to the kitchen. Neptune just shook his head.
‘Nah, you are alright.’ He said, before I could get away, Neptune peered over at my laptop. At that moment, his eyes widened to the size of galaxies and his jaw dropped so low that it probably smashed through the floor of my house. ‘What the FUCK is that?’ He asked, in a surprised tone. I looked over. Dang, the video had paused at a scene which was a close up of one of the swimmers butt’s. Great, more explaining.
‘Uh… yeah… I was watching that.’ I nervously wandered over to the laptop and carefully closed it. Neptune looked furious.
‘Why are you watching that, you have me, remember?’ He said, he began waving his arms about like an actor. I just ignored him. After Neptune cooled off from his angry burst, he looked at me and smiled. ‘Now for the real reason I came to find you.’

Neptune put a large box on the sofa. It was a bog-standard cardboard box with some of that cheap brown tape wrapped around it: just like the regular box you would get in the mail; the only noteworthy feature about it was the random soggy patches from where is had been carried in the rain. I felt confused. Why was Neptune showing me this random box? I stared at him blankly.
‘So… what do I do with it?’ I asked, Neptune looked at me like I was an idiot.
‘You open it, it is for you after all.’ He replied. I decided to begin to carefully peel away the brown tape and open up the flaps. Inside the box was a sheet of paper and a pile of games in battered boxes. At a glance, most of the games seemed to be all rather old and none of the struck me as great games. I didn’t know what to expect really, just not this. I picked up the note and decided to read through it
Congratulations!
You have been chosen to present the award for ‘Worst Spinoff’ at the Mario Wiki awards. However, before the presentation, we thought you should have a go at playing some of the nominees for hands on experience. The games will be found in the box.
Good luck.
The Awards Committee
I decided to fish through the box. There was ‘Mario Party Advance’, ‘Dr Mario 64’ and ‘Mario Party 9’ amongst many others. There seemed to be a variety. This was bad, very bad: I was going to have to try and play all these in a week. However, the worst bit was how all these games were nominated for a fail award; my eyes were going to be bleeding by the time I was done.

The next day, it was lovely weather: the sun was out and I could even hear the birds singing in the garden. That was nice; it is an awful shame that I was going to have to spend this day playing terrible games in order to get ‘hands on experience’ for the awards presentation. What was I going to benefit from this other than being able to truly know how horrible the games are? I decided to start playing through the horrible games. I decided to start with Mario Party 9 as it seemed to be the most simple and the most pleasant on my eyes. Just as the title screen popped up, I heard a knock at my door. I put down the Wii controller to see who it was. As soon as I opened it, something rushed past, making me space out for a moment. I then turned to see a Lakitu next to the fruit bowl eating one of my bananas.
‘Lacky?’ I said, the Lakitu just kept on munching away at the fruit. A few moments later he wiped is lips and threw the empty skin into the bin. He looked at me and spoke.
‘Yes, it is I, Lakituthequick. I came here as I had some real cravings for some bananas and I knew that you would have them in.’ He said. Lakituthequick floated along on his cloud towards me.
‘So, what are you doing on this fine day, Miss Lily?’ He asked.
‘Well, for some awards presentation, I am needed to play some really bad games for “hands on experience”, I think it is a dumb idea personally, but what needs to be done has to be done…’ I said, Lakituthequick shook his head at this.
‘Poor you, BMB will be mad as he had written you a speech for your presentation and everything, he was snooping about and knew all about how you would be presenting before even you knew.’ Lacky said. I shuddered at the thought of the script BMB had written. I could see the wordy wall of text in my mind. BMB was a nice guy, but his text walls would scare even the strongest of public speakers. ‘You know what Lily, I think I will join you in this gaming session, you don’t deserve to suffer alone. Plus I am bored of making my 3D models.’

We decided to sit back by the TV; the title screen of ‘Mario Party 9’ was still stuck on the screen. I grabbed onto the controller. I looked over to see Lacky holding his, I began sweating as I pressed start as I knew that this was all a horrible idea before we had even begun.

‘That was… bad.’ I said, slinging the wii remote on the floor. We had just finished playing Mario Party 9, the first game of many. I can say, I was already fed up. The game was a disappointment in the extreme, it was pretty horribly and tiresome to play and I bet that wasn’t even the worse. Lacky took a drink from a bottle of cola.
‘Come on, we have carry on and get through these!’ He said, I looked over at the pile and picked up ‘Mario Kart: Super circuit’; the next game we would have to endure.

It was 10pm. We were done. Finished. We had played every last game I was expected to play. I looked around the room, my head was throbbing and there were empty wrappers from crisps and chocolate everywhere. I looked over at Lacky.
‘Is that them all?’ He said. We had just finished playing Dr. Mario 64, the last game in the pile and probably one of the worst ones of them all. I put it back in the box and piled up all the games in a neat stack.
‘Thanks for doing this with me Lacky.’ I said as Lakituthequick picked up his bag.
‘Yeah, no problem. Now good luck with writing your speech with this experience.’ I watched as Lacky floated out of the door and back home. I slumped on my sofa and took a few deep breaths. I felt too tired to get up again now, I felt like I was pinned down. I just closed my eyes and let myself be carried into sleep.

Today was the day and my body was ready. It was the day of the big presentation, it was actually pretty cold and gloomy outside. However, I was ready. I was stood by the printer, watching my speech get printed. The speech which I had spent hours composing to the point where even I was satisfied with it. I knew I would have to get going soon as the drive to the stadium of the presentation was quite a drive away, I decided to wander upstairs, I decided to get dressed into a purple dress, a formal dress for a formal occasion as most people did wear their formal clothes to the presentations. I then applied my makeup, I sat in front of my mirror and dabbed the brush into my pot of eye shadow then drew a sweep across my eyelid. I then thought about how, even I didn’t know the results to the award yet, apparently it would all be kept a mystery until I opened that envelope on stage. To be honest, all the games I played were pretty bad so any of them could be named the worst and would be a worthy winner (or loser) in my eyes.

I looked over at the clock to see that it was 1:30pm already, I would have to have some lunch and then call a taxi very soon so I got up and went to find some food, there wasn’t much in the house at the moment so I had to settle for a ‘pot noodle’. As I snapped the kettle on, I went to make sure that the pile of horrible games were all boxed up so I could return them and I also decided to place my speech into a pink, plastic file to stop it from getting screwed. I then returned to the kitchen to finish making lunch.

The taxi pulled up, I was there I was at the stadium. The drive was a long one and not a very pleasant one as it just so turned out that today was the day when all the Yoshi’s liked to invade the road, meaning I spent half an hour of waiting and listening to the shrill noise of car horns being beeped. All the same, I was there. I thanked the taxi driver and paid him the amount due, I even tipped him a little because of how he managed to wade through the Yoshi’s. Outside the car, a red carpet was set up which I walked along. Stooben was stood by the door, when he saw me he nodded and said ‘Good afternoon, Miss Lily.’ I smiled and I presented him with the small paper entry ticket which I had kept in my bag.
‘Good afternoon to you too, Stoob.’ I said as I walked in, before I was out of an earshot, I heard Stooben say something.
‘Best of luck with your presentation and after the show there is going to be a Team Fortress 2 session going on which you are welcome to attend.’ Aww, what a nice guy. I walked along the halls towards the big room where the awards would be presented. The room was circular and reminded me a theatre with its large wooden stage which was framed by red velvet curtains. Also, there were lots of round tables in the room. I decided to sit at one, the first one I could see. I didn’t even take notice of who else was there as I really didn’t care. I looked up on the stage to see Waluigi doing the Harlem shake: Probably one of the pre-presentation performances, it was hysterical seeing the gangly purple man shaking his spider arms while wearing a sequined purple suit, then the music stopped and his performance ended, everyone clapped as he left the stage and the next performer moved on.

‘Hey Lily!’ I felt startled and looked over to see who had said that; it was Neptune. He gave me a big grin. I noticed that next to him was BMB, who was analysing a few sheets of paper he had in his hands; it was probably his speech and it looked like one of his text walls as well. BMB then looked up and smiled.
‘Hi! Nice to see you here Lil, are you all ready for the presentation? I heard about the um… hands on experience.’ He said. I smiled and laughed a little.
‘Yeah, that.’ I said, trying to take my mind off that horrible day which I spent playing terrible games. I looked back up at the stage to see that the performance of Mario and Luigi singing was coming to a close. The music faded out and they left the stage. Then the voiceover played.
‘Ladies and Gentleman, it is time for what you have all been waiting for: The Mario Wiki awards ceremony 2013!’ At that moment, everyone started clapping and cheering, and I mean everyone. Then the presentations began.

I watched all of the presentations before me, they were all really good. BMB’s was pretty good as well as you could tell that he had put a lot of effort in for it. Heh, even though it was a big of a ‘text wall’ it was still great. As everyone clapped BMB as he got off the stage. I felt Neptune nudge me. ‘Hey, you’re up next.’ He said. Startled, I began to wander up the stage. I felt awfully nervous and I could feel my insides curling up which was bad as I didn’t want to throw up on the stage. I pulled out my papers and looked down at the many sets of eyes. I talked into the microphone.
‘Is this working?’ I said, I heard the voice boom out as I did so, that meant that yes it was. I cleared my throat and began my speech.
‘Good evening everyone. As you know I will be presenting the award for “Worst Spin-off games”. Before I announce the results I would like to say a few words. Before this presentation, the committee asked me to play the nominee games, which was an interesting experience. I have got some opinions on the games. I would like to say that “Mario Pinball land” and “Dr Mario 64” were both horrible in many ways; I was also sorely disappointed by “Mario Party 9” due to the rather lame car feature and the amount of generic species who were playable. However, I actually found the Mario kart arcade games rather enjoyable, despite some… interesting cameos from the likes of Pac-Man and even Tamogotchi characters. Anyway, this is really about what the people think, which I will be excited to see. Now, let’s have the results.’ I looked to the side of the stage where a stage hand appeared and passed me a golden envelope. I broke it open with my sweaty hands, I was still feeling horribly nervous and faint. I inhaled and began to read out the results.
‘In 5th place with 8.02% of the votes, is “Mario Kart arcade GP”.’ I was honestly a little saddened to see it in such a high place, but hey ho.
‘In 4th place with 11.83% of the votes, is “Mario Party 9”.’ Now I was glad to see this one get a mention. Now it was onto the big three, I looked over my shoulder to see a stage hand carry the rosettes onto the stage, they all were tackily made and had comic sans font on them to make them fit the purpose, I even sniggered a little when I saw them being passed on.
‘In 3rd place with 16.35% of the votes, is “Dr. Mario 64”!’ As I announced it, I was passed a copy of the game and I went to stick the brown, card rosette onto the box. I then returned to the microphone to continue announcing the results.
‘In second place with 17.46% of the votes is “Mario Kart Advanced”!’ I then went to stick a grey rosette onto the box of that game. Then I took up my stance one final time.
‘Now, in first place is the game which has be named the worst of them all. This game is horrible, I can say from first-hand experience. This game racked up 22.7% of the votes and that game is… “Mario Pinball Land”!’ There was a loud cheer as I stuck the yellow rosette onto the cover of the game and placed a trophy next to it. I was done. I got off the stage and sat back down, Neptune and BMB congratulated me on how I did and I just felt relieved the whole thing was over. I was overall pretty pleased at the results, apart from I actually didn’t mind Mario Kart GP and I felt that Mario Party 9 could have been a little higher, in my opinion at least. I decided to just enjoy the rest of the evening. However, there was one thing that was still confusing the fuck out of me: why the fuck did they really want me to get that hands-on experience?

F6. Worst Spin-off [1,260 votes]
1. Mario Pinball Land – 286 (22.7%)
2. Mario Party Advance – 220 (17.46%)
3. Dr. Mario 64 – 206 (16.35%)
4. Mario Party 9 – 149 (11.83%)
5. Mario Kart Arcade GP – 101 (8.02%)
6. Mario Kart Super Circuit – 99 (7.86%)
7. Mario Super Sluggers – 51 (4.05%)
8. Mario Kart Arcade GP 2 – 50 (3.97%)
O. Hotel Mario – 10
O. Mario Party 8 – 10
O. Mario is Missing – 6
O. Super Mario Kart – 5
O. Mario Golf: Advance Tour – 5
O. Mario Kart Wii – 4
O. Mario Strikers – 4
O. Mario Power Tennis – 3
O. Mario Kart 7 – 2
O. Mario Party – 2
O. Mario Party 2 – 2
O. Mario Teaches Typing – 2
O. Mario’s Time Machine – 2
O. Paper Mario: Sticker Star – 2
O. Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 – 2
O. Fortune Street – 1
O. Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games – 1
O. Mario Hoops: 3-on-3 – 1
O. Mario Kart 64 – 1
O. Mario Kart: Double Dash – 1
O. Mario Kart DS – 1
O. Mario Party DS – 1
O. Mario Sports Mix – 1
O. Mario Tennis (GBC) – 1
O. Mario Tennis (N64) – 1
O. Mario Tennis (VB) – 1
O. Mario vs. Donkey Kong – 1
O. New Super Luigi U – 1
O. Super Smash Bros Melee – 1
O. Super Paper Mario – 1
O. Super Princess Peach – 1
O. Yoshi – 1
O. Yoshi’s Island DS – 1



Packy is up next with F8, Worst Mario Kart Course!
 

NSY

Celestial Guide
Don't get why everyone votes Pinball Land.
 

SKmarioman

King Bowser
nsymon said:
Don't get why everyone votes Pinball Land.
I think it's because it's more of a game of luck than skill.
 

Elsa

Mushroom Attendant
omg yay i'm heavily featured

also sorry about your carpet lily, I'll send it to the dry cleaners

sticker star will probably get an award later tonight, I'm sure.
 

NSY

Celestial Guide
I never played it so I don't know what it's like.
 
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