OFFICIAL 'SHROOM AWARDS III CEREMONY

[Turboo]

The 'Shroom Awards III will be held here in about 3 hours (14:00 (2:00) PST/17:00 (5:00) EST)! This ceremony showcases the best of our site's newspaper.

Schedule:

14:00 - ‘Shroom opening script - Tucayo
14:05 - S1. Favorite Director - Crocodile Dippy
14:10 - S6. Favorite Fun Stuff Writer - Count Bonsula
14:15 - S8. Favorite Pipe Plaza Writer - Marioguy1
14:20 - S7. Favorite Music & Artwork Writer - Smasher
14:25 - S5. Favorite Fake News Writer - MrConcreteDonkey
14:30 - S9. Favorite Issue of the Past Year - Tucayo
14:35 - S3. Favorite Sub-Team Director - Bop1996
14:40 - S4. Favorite Main Team Writer - Pyro
14:45 - S2. Favorite Sub-Team - Bop1996
14:50 - S10. Favorite Event - Super Mario Bros.
14:55 - 'Shroom closing script - Tucayo

Host: Tucayo

 

[Nabber]

Can't wait.

 

[Hobbes]

Spoiler alert: I win all of them. Even Favorite Event.

 

[New Super Mario]

I probably won't follow the Shroom Awards.

 

[Hobbes]

I probably won't follow the Shroom Awards.

Your head shall hang in the first post as a reminder of what will happen to those who don't follow the Shroom Awards

 

[New Super Mario]

Well, I'll still look at the results, I just don't think I'll be here.

 

[Ernest Fine]

Spoiler alert: I win all of them. Even Favorite Event.

favourite event: TUCAYO RETIRING

no that would be mean

 

[The Mandalorian]

Keep me updated!

 

[Hobbes]

Get ready, we kick this off in 7 minutes! Grab your popcorn and stuff.

 

[Pyro]

i posted

 

[Ernest Fine]

you've got that wrong

 

[The Mandalorian]

let's get ready to RUUUUUUUUUUUMBLEE!!!

 

[Nabber]

you've got that wrong

Right.

 

[Hobbes]

The following post is only meant for entertainment purposes and does not represent the actual opinions of the users included herein. Except mine, duh.


HI, MarioWiki! I'm your festive host, Tucayo, and welcome to the Third Annual 'Shroom Awards!! I know what you're thinking: "what? The shouting Koopa again?!" WELL YES!! No one else wanted to do it for free. If there's something I've learned in four years of presenting, it's that you don't get paid.

After negotiations with the AC, we managed to keep our 10 'Shroom Awards, but inner discussions among the Core Staff led to most of them being changed, this was made to recognize the writers instead of the sections, and to make it easier for voters to decide. We kept five awards: Favorite Director, Sub-Director, Sub-Team, Sub-Team Director and Event. Favorite Retro Issue, Recent Issue, New Writer, Veteran Writer and Section were replaced by Favorite Issue of the Past Year, Fake News, Fun Stuff, Art & Music and Pipe Plaza Writer.

Now, to the newsletter we all love. You all have already heard the history of the newsletter many times before, so I'll share it with you once again. But this time, THE REAL VERSION NO ONE WANTS YOU TO KNOW!!

It was a dark knight in the middle of the 2006 Australian summer (happy, Dippy?). Or was it our summer... Was it even 2006? Let's start this again.

The year is 1941, HK finds himself in the middle of the X battle, when he suddenly has the idea to create a newsletter in a thing called "Internet", which, naturally, hadn't been invented yet.

*HK appears on stage*

HK: Uh, that's not how it happened. I just wanted to create a community portal for the wiki.

Tucayo: That's not what my files say

HK: What? I was the one who created it, I think I know how it went. It used to be an umbrella project of the Pipe Plaza

*MG1 appears on stage*

MG1: Say that again? The 'Shroom used to be under the Pipe Plaza? This is the perfect time to bring back the Pipe Plaza Civil Revolution!

Tucayo: WHAT?! No!! Not again!!

*PP writers appear on stage and tie Tucayo to a chair*

Tucayo: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, PEOPLE?

MG1: The audience must know the real history of The 'Shroom! The truth will be uncovered! August 7th, 2005. An empty wasteland filled with despair and sadness.

Tucayo: Filled with despair? Wasn't it empty?!!

MG1: Duct-tape his mouth

Tucayo: What are yoblrghrgrgrgrg

MG1: That's better. A wasteland filled with despair and sadness. In the middle, a ray of light. I walked towards the light and it told me in an angel's voice: "Marioguy, you are the chosen one. Create the Pipe Plaza to reestablish order and rule the new world of the Super Mario Wiki"

*Porplemontage walks in*

Porple: Wasn't I the one that created the wiki?

MG1: ... Tie him next to Tucayo. Double duct tape for him.

*SMB also walks in*

SMB: And the Pipe Plaza was my idea!

MG1: That's right... Triple duct tape for you.

*Edofenrir jumps from behind the curtain and tackles MG1*

Edofenrir: Stop it. Here you have the real thing, the brief version:

In 2006, HK-47 decided to create The 'Shroom as a community portal for the Mario Wiki. But the one who really kicked it off was Wayoshi. After his various complications, he decided to retire, leaving the Director job to Plumber. Plumber stayed in the job until he could devise a more-proper system to choose the Director. And so the Director Elections were created, and Glowsquid went on to win the first election. That was a bad time for the wiki, troll attacks were at a high point, and that was unavoidably reflected in The 'Shroom, which suffered one of the biggest writers' droughts ever. 2008 came to an end, and the Director Election matched Former Fake News Director and Wiki 'Crat, Stooben; then-Sub-Director, Garlic Man; Mystery Images writer, Tucayo; and some other dude. Stoob won the election (and the one after that) and so the changes began. The 'Shroom was revamped in every single aspect: sign-ups, staff, sections, focus, etc... It started off as a rough year, but in the end, The 'Shroom had taken back its long-lost position of importance in the Wiki. In the 2010 Election, two Core Staff members faced each other: SMB and MG1, with the former winning the election. And he also went on to win the 2011 Election, but that time it was with a not-so-wide vote margin. We're currently in the middle of SMB's second term, and I think it's safe to say The 'Shroom is at its highest point ever.

So that's the story. And anyone who disagrees will face my wrath.

*Edo frees the hostages*

Tucayo: Thanks for that, Edo. Now everyone, off my stage. Your time will come. Back to my opening post. The Olympics started 2 weeks ago, and they had a brilliant opening ceremony, so I thought: "how am I going to match that?" and, being the smart person I am, I decided to emulate the best part of the ceremony: THE PARADE OF NATIONS!! If there is something this staff has, it's multiculturalism. So give it up for the people who have made The 'Shroom possible over the past year!

AUSTRALIA (c'mon, Dippy, smile!)

(Why yes, I'm blatantly reusing the stage from my 2009 presentation)

BRAZIL

CANADA

GERMANY

GREAT BRITAIN (just look at that top hat and the monocle, pure class)

MEXICO

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

But that's not it. It would be foolish to say it has all been thanks to us. That is why, we now have THE PARADE OF TEAMS featuring some of the writers!

MAIN TEAM: The Main Team started with The 'Shroom. It's basically formed by sections that don't fit anywhere else and the staff rants. Longtime contributor, Former Core Staff member and our Interviewer, Stooby is here to represent them:

FAKE NEWS: Our oldest sub-team, founded in Issue I by WarioLoaf. It has been directed by WarioLoaf, 3Dejong, Confused, Xzelion, Stoob, Xpike, Ralph, Edofenrir, MCD and even SMB in one issue. Fake Ads writer, Toadbert here to represent our oldest sub-team:

FUN STUFF: Originally started as Fun Section in Issue I, it would go on to become a sub-team in Issue XXIII. Its first director was Z3r0 Tw0, and it has also been directed by Gamefreak75 and myself. AC Director and Guess Who and Guess That Game writer, Turboo comes in representation of the Fun Stuff team:

MUSIC & ART: Ideated by SMB, this team debuted in Issue XXIX. It has been directed by SMB, YellowYoshi127, Paper Pikachu, Fawfulfury65 and Smasher. Character Artwork of the Month writer, Rise Up Above It is here to represent the artsy part of the newsletter:

PIPE PLAZA: The last of the teams created under Stooben's and my reign, this team derived from a proposal made by SMB, Stoob, 02, Paper Pikachu, YY and myself to merge the defunct Pipe Plaza with The 'Shroom in Issue XXXIII. It has been directed by SMB, MG1 and Paper Yoshi. Community Report writer and wiki patroller, Bop is here to represent our news-y part:

CRITIC CORNER: This recently-created sub-team was first suggested back in November 2009 after seeing the growing amount of review-like suggestions, but it was decided it wasn't the time for it. It finally debuted this past issue. Since it's so recent, its writers will compete as part of the Main Team. Look forward to seeing the Critic Corner in the 'Shroom Awards IV. Caiman Gaimin' writer, Xpike comes in representing our newest sub-team:

And since good things always come in threes, here you have THE PARADE OF... uuhhh... FORMER CORE STAFF MEMBERS, yes! (or at least the ones whose sprites I was able to find)

Beautiful parade, I feel like this will go on as one of the best opening posts of all time. Or not.

Stay with us, Dippy will present S1: Favorite Director in 5 minutes! Make your bets!

 

[Ernest Fine]

That was a good opening.

GO FAKE NEWS

 

[ralphfan]

Fake News!

 

[The Mandalorian]

I'm proud to be British when I've got MCD in the country. :D

 

[Hobbes]

Guys, Fun Stuff all the way.

 

[Tressa Colzione]

That's one impressive intro.

 

[Mariomario64]

Awesome intro.

 

[RandomYoshi]

Wonderful way to start the ceremony, Tucayo!

BTW, I support Fake News just because MCD's got class.

 

[Raven Effect]

GO TEAM FUN STUFF

 

[Nabber]

GO TEAM FUN STUFF

GO TEAM AVATAR

 

[Hobbes]

Thanks to everyone who liked the intro Now let's go to S1, with Crocodile Dippy:



It's a long, hard walk from Kununurra to Katherine, and the desert trails by the Victoria Highway have to be the longest waste of time in my entire life. Would never have waltzed me matilda out this way if I knew it'd weigh an extra ten kilos in this dry heat, and me canteen is starting to run low. At least I got those crazy awards blokes off my trail, they'd have to be insane to follow me all the way out here just to get me to write some half-assed article for them. But I'm getting rather parched, so I opened me magic map to see where in this GAFA I might be, only to see I'm not half way to Timber Creek yet. God help me now, I'm flat out like a lizard drinking, and I need to find a nice coolabah to rest under.

I don't know if it was God, the rainbow serpent, or me own hidden world-bending powers, but I did happen across a small billabong out here in the middle of nowhere. Who would've thought something so pleasant would be out in this wasteland, and just in time before sun sets? Best of luck, I have. So I laid me swag roll down, filled me canteen, and let me billy can boil so I could eat baked beans for the first time since 2AM three morns ago. It was taking a while, tho, so I kicked me shoes off and closed me eyes while the tucker heated up, listening to the wind howl and praying no dingoes smell the baked beans while me eyes are closed. So peaceful… could lay… here all… night…

…

……

…Ho…ip…

…Howd…Dip…ad…

……..…….Howdy, Diphead! Ready for a convenient dream sequence?

Dippy: …what? Ah bollocks, the dingoes found me, didn’t they?! I'm not going out without a fight!

???: As dumb as you’ve always been. Shut up or you will be attacked, but I can’t promise it’ll be the dingoes.

Dippy: …Crash? What are you doing here?

Crash: Turb knew you’d bail out of your awards presentation duties, so she sent me to remind you to stop being so New Zealander.

Dippy: AUSTRALIAN!

Crash: Same difference, Kiwi.

Dippy: Now wait a second, you moustachioed hillbilly; I go to all the trouble of flying back to Australia, abandoning my family for good, changing my name, wandering the country aimlessly… hell, I even lined my clothes with tin foil to keep you guys off my track! And that stuff burns in the hot desert! And yet you still insist on stalking me to the sweatiest ends of the earth! It’s downright rude!

Crash: Are you done? Besides, I’m just an astral projection inserted directly into your sub-conscious mind to keep you from forgetting your obligations and just playing Team Fortress 2 all day long.

Dippy: …am I drunk?

Crash: Probably, you do look and smell terrible, but you usually do anyway so I can't be certain.

Dippy: Go kiss your sister. Well whatever, what are we doing? Most annoying co-presenter in history?

Crash: Bite me. It's Favourite 'Shroom Director! Fortunately, you’re not applicable, so I won't have to lie through my teeth!

Dippy: Piss off. I think I vaguely remember this, though. If you're my sub-conscious, bend to my will and give me the results, now!

Crash: Lazy Kiwi.

Dippy: Redneck git. Alright, coming last place in our rather limited category with 7 votes is '''Glowsquid''', the 'Shroom Director all throughout 2008.

Crash: Well that's a shock. After all, he was the very first community-elected director.

Dippy: Too bad his term was during a messy time of the Wiki itself and a rather bad contributors drought affecting all aspects of the site, the newsletter being hit hard with some of the lowest writer turn-outs and late releases in the newsletter's history. I mean I was out drinkin' tinnies at the time, but I'm told it was a dark few months for the 'Shroom.

Crash: Hey now, don't be too mean! Them people's read this thing, y'know. Glowsquid introduced the sub-director position into the 'Shroom to help manage everything, after all, a very important role that still exists today.

Dippy: And what else?

Crash: …Let’s just move on. The fifth place winner was… oh hehehe, it’s your favourite user, Dippy! Want me to cover this one for you?

Dippy: I can be professional, you dumb hick. So we have Wayoshi with 13 votes, because he… what did he even do?

Crash: Uhh… well, says here that he essentially gave the 'Shroom a proper start, upgrading it from a small userpage project by HK into a sprawling, contributive aspect of the Wiki.

Dippy: So his credentials lay in getting the project started up more or less, and that's it? Well I guess that's pretty important, but kind of boring at the same time.

Crash: Well he did resign from his 'Shroom duties after the Willy incident…

Dippy: And that’s why he's so low on this list! Haha, I kid, kid!

Crash: …no you don't.

Dippy: You're right, I don’t. So, next one is Stooben with 14 votes. Now wait just a minute here! He was one of the newsletter's finest directors, and he gets essentially the same turnout as Wayoshi? I refuse to accept this.

Crash: He traded his position with Tucayo, like, fifteen hundred times during his term, so that's reliability off his list of qualities. But you are right, Stooben and Tucayo played a huge part in making the 'Shroom what it is today after Glowsquid's rather lacklustre reign.

Dippy: Well yeah, of course he was influential… at least, I'm told he was. I don't know, I was spending most of my nights then passed out on the couch with the taste of gin on my breath.

Crash: Figures… During Stooben's… many terms, he created and/or approved of several of the newsletter's sub-teams that we see today, including Fun Stuff, Music & Artwork, and Pipe Plaza, which all now have a thriving writer turnout and play a very important part in the success of the newsletter.

Dippy: Oh, right, yeah I knew that. The info was just… hiding behind the vodka, is all. He also collaborated with Porplemontage, 2257 and Tucayo (duh) to introduce the ‘Shroom namespace. He got the ‘Shroom awards added to the MarioWiki Awards and introduced the Poll Chairperson Election. If I’m right, he reinstated the Editor-in-Chief position only to replace it with the much more useful and still-running Statistics Manager position, right?

Crash: Not to mention strictly enforcing the application policy which significantly aided quality control to keep the riffraff out, a policy still enforced today. More aesthetically, Stooben introduced new backgrounds to reflect the season.

Dippy: Yeah, that was a cute addition for you nationalistic pricks. Your backgrounds are always based on Northern Hemisphere seasons, there's never any love for the poor folks in Australia, southern Africa, South America, or Antarctica.

Crash: Yeah but you're backwards down there, so no one cares.

Dippy: I have a knife. Don't forget that.

Crash: That's adorable. Alright we've dwelled on this too long, so let's move on to Plumber, at third place with 18 votes! Consarnit, do I miss that guy.

Dippy: Then go on Facebook and harass him there, I'm sure he'll love that. Anyway, I actually wrote a bit during Plumber's reign, a fact I'd very much like to forget.

Crash: Hey everyone, go check the old ''Upcoming Games'' sections; they are true gems of Dippy's outstanding wit and prose!

Dippy: Suck on a tractor's exhaust pipe. Anyway, Plumber pretty much carried the disorganised mess of the 'Shroom left over after Wayoshi's retirement and HK's abandonment of the project, helping to keep it active for that era even during the contributor's drought affecting the entire Wiki at the time.

Crash: He improved sign-ups so they weren't such a mess, and removed the Editor-in-Chief position after realising it was sort of useless, which later got revived by Stooben and then replaced with Stats Manager as we elaborated on early.

Dippy: You sure are a great help! Plumber's term didn't last long, but he managed to keep the newsletter in-tact and refined several aspects of it after its rather rocky start, even having enough responsibility to start the Director's Elections so that a messy hierarchy like what happened with Wayoshi and HK wouldn't happen again.

Crash: …which led to Glowsquid's term…

Dippy: Goddamn, we're being mean to him. If you're reading this, mate, I believe you're a fantastic bureaucrat and was a very good forum mod! And I wasn't around during that era of the 'Shroom, so blame Reizy and people like him; they spoke crap about you, not me!

Crash: You gutless, yellow-bellied coward. But whatever, we're running low on time so let's get to the last two. Second place with 27 votes is Tucayo.

Dippy: 27? Oh bollocks, he’s dead now. Whoever sat there thinking to vote for someone else instead, you've doomed Tucayo. I hope you're happy now.

Crash: Wow oh my god, shut up. Just tell them about Tucayo, I'm sick of starring in your terrible presentation and I want out.

Dippy: Rude! Anyway, the story of Tucayo cannot be told without Stooben, which makes me think we should just lump them into the same vote next year, it'd save us a lot of effort. Tucayo was Stooben's sub-director in 2009, but the latter's frequent absences forced Tucayo to manage several issues.

Crash: Yeah, Tucayo is a rather interesting director case because he has never actually won the position by being elected, but rather enjoyed short few-month stints as director whenever Stooben felt he was unable to meet his duties.

Dippy: That sounds about right, yes. At least three times that year, Stooben and Tucayo swapped their director and sub-director roles, so in many ways whichever administrative decision was made in 2009 could just as easily be attributed to one or the other.

Crash: So then why did Tucayo get so much more votes?

Dippy: Stooben's me best mate and all, but he's not very punctual. He bailed out of his duties so much, you'd start to worry about him when he stayed put for several months at a time. Tucayo's run isn't perfect either – Super Mario Bros even had to fill in for both to manage an issue release in 2010 – but he could always be relied on to do his duties as soon as he could, and always got his sections in on time. Well, for the most part anyway, it's not like he's the Koopa Christ or anything.

Crash: Sounds like Tucayo has a fan! Or several, considering he's second place here.

Dippy: Too bad he won't be able to appreciate this accolade. This presentation is dedicated to the late Tucayo, may he rest in peace.

Crash: He isn't dead, you kangaroo boxing dork.

Dippy: That's the nicest thing you've said about me all trip sequence! Oh right, we have one more left, the most obvious choice because who the hell studies the 'Shroom's history? Seriously no one, so naturally the current director wins.

Crash: The current director that gave you your core staff position.

Dippy: I can bite the hand that feeds, I'm Australian. It's charming when I do it.

Crash: Only when they have disinfectant nearby.

Dippy: Asshat. So yeah, Super Mario Bros is the community's Favourite 'Shroom Director, winning with a whopping 85 points. Holy hell, how many people just looked at his name and thought “Super Mario Bros.? Eff yeah, I love that game, voting twenty times!”?

Crash: Well you know, he's done quite a lot for the 'Shroom. And well, he's basically an admin of some sort on every major outlet of the Wiki community, so it's impressive that he can even delegate himself into all these roles.

Dippy: I think he's a robot. That explains why he gets along so well with Marioguy1.

Crash: Anyway, Super Mario Bros. is immediately recognisable for directing the newsletter during two of its busiest and most active years. With all the improvements Tucayo and Stooben made, SMB only built on those to make the ‘Shroom even more convenient for its writers and readers.

Dippy: His second term is still ongoing, a term I’ve been able to witness first-hand. But wow, getting any information about his first term was a bloody chore to do; no one from that era seemed to be able to list any accomplishments beyond “he made everything better in general”.

Crash: …Dipshit, you’re meant to do the research yourself! Didn’t you find anything on your current director?

Dippy: I found he spent three years in the Florida State Prison for accidentally detonating a highly volatile A! bomb within city limits. Wow, he was even president of Angola for a few months before they found José Eduardo locked up in his wardrobe. Haha, he’s not going back there anytime soon.

Crash: Dippy! I swear to God, you can’t present worth crap.

Dippy: Fine! SMB had played an important background role in administrative direction since Stooben’s second term, many of his and Tucayo’s ideas actually being pitched by SMB. When he did become director, he introduced the Affiliates Manager position that Stooben initially held and I took over before upgrading to Critic Corner sub-team director because the former position wasn’t going anywhere; he introduced the widely popular Section of the Month system and shifted it from staff-voted to reader-voted to give the readers more freedom; he introduced the Spotlight feature that still hasn’t found much use yet; he managed to get the ‘Shroom awards upgraded from five categories to ten, this being one of the categories, obviously!

Crash: On top of all that, some would say his finest accomplishment in the newsletter is managing – quite well, I might add – the two largest issues in the entire ‘Shroom’s history; Special Issue L back in May 2011, and the recent Special Issue 64 just last month, which also introduced a complete front page revamp, a new sub-team – which you’re now running, a decision likely made after you spiked his A! Punch soda – and the highest writer turn-out of any issue thus far. It’s not even that they were big releases, everyone says they’re two of the highest points for the newsletter!

Dippy: All that having been said, SMB’s biggest problem, I’ve found, is his time management. He’s so busy with all his positions and real life that he finds himself only ever really appearing in staff-related discussions every few days, even for urgent matters. Why, he didn’t even respond to my inquiries about his first term so I could finish this presentation quicker! So yeah, as great as his direction and management was, he’s got a bit of a reliability and punctuality issue

Crash: Still, that’s pretty minor when you think of everything else he and his core staff have accomplished in the past year and a half, and it’s exciting to think what else he’ll accomplish before his second term is up next January. He may even run again!

Dippy: Over my dead body! We need more candidates for this award category next year, and I’ll be damned if SMB denies us that!

Crash: How predictably selfish of you.

Dippy: Piss off, I’m only doing this because Turb and Blocky won’t leave me alone!

Crash: …don’t you mean SMB? He’s the sub-director of the Awards Committee.

Dippy: That’s a good one!

Crash: …You assclown. I hope your contractual duties with the ‘Shroom and Awards Committee get terminated by SMB and Turb.

Dippy: Big words mate. How many of those did you learn from stalking Atlanta businessmen?

Crash: More than you’ll ever learn.

Dippy: Pffft! We’re done!

Crash: Finally, this horrible presentation is over! I'm getting too old for this crap. So long, I'm out; now wake up before dingoes eat your mess of a dinner.

Dippy: Yeah, you'd better run, you rabbit-eared shitkick—wait what was that about my dinner?

…huh wha? What happened?

…

Ah piss, the baked beans are nuked!

Spoiler: The final results

S1 - Favorite Director (164 valid votes)
1. Super Mario Bros. - 85 (51.83%)
2. Tucayo - 27 (16.46%)
3. Plumber - 18 (10.97%)
4. Stooben Rooben - 14 (8.54%)
5. Wayoshi - 13 (7.93%)
6. Glowsquid - 7 (4.27%)

Count Bonsula will present S6 in 5 minutes!

 

[Ernest Fine]

Congratulations, SMB.

And great presentation, Tucky.