Author Topic: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY  (Read 7362 times)

Yoshi2

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #40 on: August 11, 2017, 05:20:09 PM »






results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably



Uniju is up next with F2 - Worst 2D Level!

Hibiki Tachibana

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #41 on: August 11, 2017, 05:23:48 PM »
We Still Don't Like Sticker Star

a motto for our generation

Doof

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #42 on: August 11, 2017, 05:24:14 PM »
We Still Don't Like Sticker Star

a motto for our generation
And for generations to come.

Uniju

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #43 on: August 11, 2017, 05:24:37 PM »


results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably



Fawfulthegreat64 is up next with F9 - Worst Direction of Series!
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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #44 on: August 11, 2017, 05:26:35 PM »
dank

Anton

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #45 on: August 11, 2017, 05:26:42 PM »
can confirm, I told him, didn't ask

Builder Mario

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #46 on: August 11, 2017, 05:30:00 PM »







results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably



DragonFreak is up next with F7 - Worst Enemy!

Hibiki Tachibana

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #47 on: August 11, 2017, 05:31:53 PM »
>perfectly on time

He's more powerful than I could possibly imagine!

(also a better sprite comic maker than I knew)

Doof

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #48 on: August 11, 2017, 05:35:02 PM »
Hello everyone!  I'm here to present the Worst Enemies!  I know that it's longer than my allotted time of 5 minutes but I hope that you will watch it later, probably after the Awards are over ^^

Spoiler: F7 - Worst Enemy (click to show/hide)

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LN1 is up next with F3 - Worst 3D Level!

Turboo

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #49 on: August 11, 2017, 05:40:10 PM »
Posting on behalf of LN1.



Heavy knocking is heard on Mario's door.
Mario: Ugh, it's 3 in the morning. What could anyone possibly want with me.
Mario opens the door and sees three peculiar Toads.
Toad 1: Mr. Mario, we are here to tell you that your loan has reached a staggeringly high amount after not getting paid for 20 years. You will have to pay 100 billion coins or we will start taking measures.
Mario: Uh…I save your princess all the time. Can't I use that to repay you?

Toad 2: Oh, we had taken that into consideration.  That is why you only have to pay 11 zeroes and not 17 zeroes. Don't worry though, we can help you repay easily.

Two of the Toads leave.

Toad 3: Right Mario, so all you have to do is relive your worst memories as televised entertainment. The public will eat it up and your share of money will be enough to repay the debt.

Mario: Does TV earn a disproportionate amount of money or is this kingdom filled with sadists?

Toad 3: Anyway, the first order of business is to revisit that level, Wing Mario over the Rainbow.

Mario: Sure, we might as well start.

Cut to Mario entering said course.

Mario: A-a-achoo! I-i-it's freezing up here. I already am starting to remember why I hated this place.

Toad 3: I don't see the problem here.

Mario: What is wrong with you?

Toad 3: Nothing in particular. Remember Mario, we Toads know far worse pain.

Mario: I'm just gonna get this started before I drown on my own muc-AAAAAH!

Mario screamed as he slipped off a cloud and fell back into Peach's Castle's front yard.

Mario: I have to climb again every time I fall you can't be serious!

And so, Mario fell and fell for a good hour. There was not much ground to speak of, only some scattered clouds. He had no choice but to use the Wing Cap, an item which granted him the power of gliding, but which he had not yet mastered to control. He fell short of getting coins, fell short of landing on the clouds, and close to the end just couldn't find the last Red Coin in the vast skies. After much annoyance, he finally obtained the Star.

Mario: Here we go! To our next destination already, I hate this place.

Toad booked a flight with Mario to Isle Delfino. After nicely arriving on the island and not getting accused by people who can't distinguish Mario from a watery copy, Toad pointed Mario to his next destination.

Toad 3: You see that island with the weird pipe and the castaway? Yeah, that's where you have to go.

Mario: Oh, cool. So when's the boat ride?

Toad 3: It's not nearly that simple, I'm afraid.

Mario: What, you mean I have to swim there?

Toad 3: No, no. Only a Yoshi can clean that pipe, and Yoshis can't swim here. Delfino's waters aren't good for Yoshis, but I'll spare the long biology lesson.

Mario: …So when's the boat ride?

Toad 3: Your only choice is to be a stowaway in one of the cargo boats by the Shine Gate. Good luck.

Unfortunately for Mario, being a stowaway meant he would have to jump to the boat's roof. Not just any boat either. Due to the boats' cycles, he would have to jump from roof to roof to reach the island. Any mistake meant starting from the beginning again, and mistakes were certainly made. Finally Mario reached the island with Yoshi and entered the pipe.

Mario: That was stupid. Let's do this dumb level already.

The pipe lead to a mysterious filter in the sky. Very toxic water flowed through the pipes, as Mario would soon learn.

Mario: It can't be that bad. Red Coins again, but surely I can just swi-

It was a learning experience indeed. Mario put just one foot in the water and all of the strength in his body was taken away. Once again, he had no choice in how to approach this level. He would have to take the decaying Lily Pad “upstream”, but he also had to be precise. If he missed as much as one Red Coin, the current would be too strong to return. Just one mistake in the difficult maneuvering meant it was all over. Mistakes were certainly made; so many mistakes. Sometimes it was missing a coin, sometimes it was making a jump but missing the Lily Pad but dying in the water. After finally getting the movements down to a science, Mario collected all Red Coins.

Mario: Now I remember why I quit plumbing. It's because the pipes in this world make no sense. I'm just going to get this Shine! …and get out of here, I already am tired.

Perhaps fortunately for Mario, the next destination was also in Isle Delfino. It was even much easier to reach, as all he had to do was make a simple jump.

Mario: Right, so what is this thing again?

Toad 3: A giant Pachinko machine is what it is. The difference here is that there is only one ball, the ball is you, and you're not getting money from watching things beyond your control. Just step on that spring for the first 3 Red Coins, and then go into the cavities to get the rest. It's that simple.

Mario: Right, seems so. But why would they save this one for last.

Soon Mario would learn why. Getting into the cavities for the Red Coins was not nearly as easy as it seemed. The physics of the machine and controlling FLUDD just wouldn't cooperate exactly how he wanted them. Failing to go into any of the cavities meant falling into the hole at the bottom. Just like in any good Pachinko machine, a ball, or Mario in this case, that falls down the hole can't do anything special anymore. Naturally this meant death. Unfortunately for Mario, he had to do everything special of getting the Red Coins in a single go. Much to his pain, he constantly fell short of getting where he wanted to go, which constantly spelled failure and another death from falling on the hole.

Mario: Shine! …I officially hate television forever.

results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably



The Pyro Guy is up next with F11 - Biggest Missed Opportunity!

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #50 on: August 11, 2017, 05:43:57 PM »
congrats to konami for their win

again

Ice Cream Man

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #51 on: August 11, 2017, 05:45:04 PM »

“Yes, YES! We’ve done it!”

High fives were shared between my crew as we stood back and glanced at our creation. After a solid three hours of work, we had created a functioning time machine. It looked vaguely like a minimalist clock, with a keyboard and screen jutting out of where the 6 would be. This machine was going to be the circle that saved Nintendo from slight disapproval from its fans. Incredible.

“Right then, where should we go first? How about fixing the Wii U; that’s like, before 2010, right?”

“Hold on, lemme check the list… nope, can’t do that.”

“what”

The engineer looked at his notes and then up at me. “According to the design the destinations have already been chosen by a select group of rabid fans. We don’t even know the results, only the machine does.”

This was appalling! They let the rabid ones decide? They couldn’t have chosen the regular ones, huh. The guy took me over to a desk with a load of paper strewn about the area. “See, the machine is going to take you to the decidedly less significant events first, that was your decision. You’re going to jump in, sort the thing out, then go to the next event, nice and quick. Sound good?”

“I… Of course I know. This is my idea.”

“Right. Well, off you go, it’s all ready!”

I stepped into the clock and took a long look at what I was leaving behind; a world with no Waluigi in Mario Kart 7, no Waluigi game, no playable Waluigi in the Wario games. These were the problems that I would be fixing, and some other ones too. But I was doing it for him. Mainly.

I pressed go and was nearly instantaneously farted out into a meeting room. I looked at my monitor, yelled out “don't cancel yoshi racing” then stepped back in. Then, I was in another office, where I had to pause before reluctantly saying “cancel year of luigi”. This carried on for about 5 minutes, but it felt like a year. Undoing these questionable ‘missed opportunities’ was not fun, mainly because I was pretty sure I saw the same meeting room at least 4 times. Very confusing.

After this process, I finally came across the four events where at least 10% of those rabid fans agreed was a bad idea; and this next event appeared to be the one that contributed to one of Nintendo’s largest competitors. It was Sony. They seemed to be discussing the Nintendo/Sony SNES CD, which was a cancelled console marking the two firms’ partnership. Apparently that partnership was cancelled too, but only if I couldn’t change it. I delivered a heartwarming and convincing speech on why the two companies should stick together, then left cheerily.

My next trip took me to an empty office full of coding software. I saw that somebody had been in the middle of a copy-paste process of porting a Wii U game onto 3DS, and had a closer look. I wasn’t surprised to see that one section had been completely left out of the Wii U game’s code. I highlighted that, copied it over to the 3DS code, then tested what this whole thing was about. It turned out to be the Super Mario Maker port, and as I was playing it I realised that through my copy-pasting, I had enabled online level sharing. Niiiice.

The penultimate cock-up was next! From the stories I had heard about this situation, there should be an evil goblin running through Nintendo HQ, feeding off of the disappointment of its fans. I caught this thing in front of a monitor as I entered the room, typing away. Upon closer inspection, it turned out there was no evil goblin, just some regular worker. Huh. The monitor showed some information about taking down fangames, and I knew then that this guy was a goblin after all. What human being would go around taking down fangames? Anyway, I deleted all the DMCAs I could find before moving on.

Taking a sip from someone’s water bottle before leaving, I felt nervous. This next event was the single most important fail in Nintendo history (related to Mario), and I was here to correct it, to make the fans happy. The monitor showed me the headline, and I instantly knew what to do. In this room was another 3DS title, with a very familiar game playing on the grubby screen. This game was the source of pain for many fans, a slap in the face for others. It was Paper Mario: Sticker Star.

But as I picked it up and gave it a go, I noticed it was different. There were partners, original characters, cool looking bosses. I was actually having fun! This must be the mythical early build of the game, described as just a port of the Gamecube one. This should have been the game Nintendo released, not the soulless, flawed title we were given later. Obviously, I had to do something to make this right! Luckily I had Google Translate on me, so I stole a post-it note, wrote down ‘yes’ in Japanese, and attached it to the 3DS. That was all I needed to do; my machine’s monitor glowed a soft green, and I stepped in, awaiting the new Nintendo I had the luck of shaping.

results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably



Mr. Edo is up next with F15 - Most Disappointing Game!

Hibiki Tachibana

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #52 on: August 11, 2017, 05:48:29 PM »
and in an ironic twist he heads to the present and finds nintendo went out of business and all this was undone

sobbing in despair, pyro guy screams to the heavens that he should have left well enough alone

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #53 on: August 11, 2017, 05:50:02 PM »
F15: Most Disappointing Game
by Mr. Edo


Spoiler: Turd Place (click to show/hide)

~~~~~~~~~

Spoiler: Wreckond Place (click to show/hide)

~~~~~~~~~

Spoiler: Worst Place (click to show/hide)



results table design (c) pidgey 2015, probably



Turb will be concluding Fail Awards IX with a closing remark next.

Ice Cream Man

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #54 on: August 11, 2017, 05:51:30 PM »
Fun fact; the canonical secret ending to F11 is that all I did was end up deleting Waluigi from Space-Time.

Don't mess with time, people.

And nice job Edo!

Anton

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #55 on: August 11, 2017, 05:51:46 PM »
luigi @ mario


Doof

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #56 on: August 11, 2017, 05:53:34 PM »
We Still Don't Like Sticker Star

a motto for our generation

Turboo

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #57 on: August 11, 2017, 05:55:13 PM »
Well that's it, we did it, with an excellent job from everyone as usual! And the nominees also did it, because I will be mailing each character, location, or metaphysical concept in the top 3 of each award one of these official ASS LICKER badges, in order from third to first. They earned it!







Enjoy the rest of the show, everyone! The Mario Awards are coming up, and they're some of the best yet. Probably a nice blast of positivity after nominees like those. Also the tip jar where you can directly give me some money, and, far more importantly, the comment box where you can tell us how to improve on next year’s awards by writing straight on a crisp benjamin, are to the left next to the food and drink table haha.......... Just saying.................



That's it for the Fail Awards! In fifteen minutes, Mario Awards XI will begin with the introduction from the Director, Anton. In twenty minutes, DragonFreak will post up the first Mario Awards presentation: M1 - Best Sound Design.

BEEEEEAAARRRS

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #58 on: August 11, 2017, 05:56:10 PM »
as a suggestion can we rename the ASS LICKER process because its hard to talk to people about it

Stargazing

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Re: OFFICIAL FAIL AWARDS IX CEREMONY
« Reply #59 on: August 11, 2017, 05:57:06 PM »
as a suggestion can we rename the ASS LICKER process because its hard to talk to people about it
what are you talking about, it's a glorious concept that we can't let renames taint