Natalie J.

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I've returned from a week full of the most godawful luck ever. I'm hoping my mental health keeps getting better from here now that I've cut my mom out of my life and I'm close to starting my transition.

Just wanted to give a bit of an update - yesterday when I said I needed some time, I was still dealing with the emotional hurt that came from my mom's transphobic speech toward me a couple weeks ago. I'm still working through that so I'm going to need some more time, but today I spent an hour and 42 minutes on the phone with my dad today and we both agreed that it's for the best that I finally cut my mom off. I was surprised he was so willing to accept that outcome, but he told me he would support me in whatever I chose to do and understood that my mom has done nothing but cause problems for me over the last several years. Knowing that I have his support is going to help me a lot in processing everything and I'm already in a lot better mental state than I was yesterday.

I'm still feeling really hurt from my mom's rant from a couple weeks ago. It's genuinely affected my mental health to the point that I've had to start more frequent therapy. Think I'm going to need to take some time to try to heal.

"You know, by [Karens'] logic, are Shy Guys oppressed?" -me, a few minutes ago

My writing mojo has been totally gone lately so I'm thinking of going over to campus and spending a few hours at the library so I can get some writing done. I'd go to the building I usually write in but the air conditioning there is awful to the point that I nearly passed out there once so I think the library is a better idea.

What do you call a message from a scammer?

A con text.

One of my school friends who wants to go into library science is working at the library and she seemed so happy to be there when I ran into her.

Last night I dreamed that after my ex made me miss my counseling appointment today, I came here to a metric ton of messages from one of the mods telling me I had to roleplay as Diddy Kong. I told them I couldn't do it because I was going through mental health issues.

I don't have a good pride theme D:

"It tastes like Stop and Shop." -something I just said, because apparently tastes can make me think of grocery stores now

Realizing that I've been here for 11 years now at the age of 22. It's not quite half my life yet because math but there's barely anything or anyone else I do/know that has lasted that long.

My ex was telling me that I'm a magician.

And then this happened.

Dream me had a chance to meet one of my favorite YouTubers but then real me botched it by burning a song into my head and making me go crazy.

TIL about lawn mower racing. It's a real thing.

My mom decided to leave me on a transphobic rant until next time I see her in December.

I don't think she'll be seeing in me in December.

I will never complain about a good dream being disappointing ever again. I forgot about the misery of anxiety nightmares.

Do you think there's such a thing as like, a calculator that markets itself as AI? AI has become such a stupid corporate marketing buzz word that any program more complicated than Hello World is "AI" now so I wouldn't be surprised.

A couple days ago I complained about the frustrating dreams I've been having about bowling and then last night, I have another one. Can I stop having dreams that remind me how boring real life actually is?

I sure am having an actual serious discussion with my dad about what a golden limousine would cost.

There have been some big rivalries in the past; cats and dogs, democrats and republicans, Seinfeld and Newman, etc. But allow me to propose one of the greatest rivalries that no one ever talks about: night owls and lawn mowers.

I've been having the most frustrating dreams lately where I run into someone I used to know from bowling, we start talking and have a nice conversation and eventually make a connection, and then I wake up and realize that didn't happen and that I have like, no real life friends except for a couple.

I like your new avatar. You're the handsome one, I think (its a joke from Bowser Nightmare's cutscene in story mode, where one says "I'm the handsome one" or he says cool, idk)

Whoever said that sentences shouldn't end in prepositions doesn't know what they're talking about.

If I change my avatar, should I change it to General Shy Guy or one of the colorful Koopa Kids? I genuinely can't decide.

Been taking a nice break over the last few days. I've gotten to go bowling a few times and I got a name change petition notarized. I'm thinking of being a bit quieter for the next week or so while I finish up my vacation but I don't want anyone to be worried about me given that my last post was about being depressed.