Lord Bowser plays M&L: BIS - Part 2

it's just a wonderful, lovely day for good old Princess Peach. nothing whatsoever could possibly spoil her day today!


oh wait, this is mario. of course her day gets fucked with. but whoever could possibly be behind all of this?


what's the shadowy, turtle-like figure in the background? TMNT? (please?)


oh it's just bowser... cue soul-crushing disappointment


somehow, mere seconds after this tragic, completely unexpected incident happened, this guy jumps into action.

seriously, how was mario able to both know what happened AND jump into action so quickly? snapchat, kik, and all those other redundant texting apps didn't exist back then, so it's not like peach could just snap him a message saying "OMGZ maryo lirk pls halp me i like got kidnaped n stuf an i need a big, strong man to save memes"


"before I go save the princess, let me show off my sexiness skills by beating up these innocent creatures"


for those people who are still unsure about what his name is


cue traumatic memories of the hard as shit hammer bros fight


aww this guy looks just adorable and innocent I want him as a fluffy little innocent-


did... did he just kill those enemies by flashing them...


hey look. it's that guy who everyone wanted in smash


dear god he really let himself go


ooh apparently we'll be beating up birdo soon


oh she changed her name it seems.
oh god she's crying cause I called her peach earlier... I'm sorry, ms. toadstool.

wait wtf you're kidnapped shouldn't you be worried about your safety and how to escape instead of crying like a little bitch over your name


final fantasy?!


oh ok nvm then

oh look the same thing as last time. yay originality


nice castle, but who could it possibly belong to?


oh yeah that guy


could someone please explain to me the logic behind opening the door of your castle, your base of operations, to your arch-nemesis? I can't think of anything that would make this a good idea.


why does everything need to have a hammer stop triggering my traumatic memories game


"omg first enemy what do I do help help help"

for real though, why does the game just throw us into a battle without telling us what action commands are, how to block, what all the different attacks do, etc., like I was actually confused here for a bit, not gonna lie


oh, more of this...


these battles are pointless since I'm not gaining any EXP...


...and they really aren't very exciting since everyone goes down in one hit...


I wonder if bowser has insurance for these. I mean, I'm walking on a wooden bridge above a pit of lava that has (podobos) (lava bubbles) (fireballs) (whatever the politically correct term for "spherical fire object" is) constantly jumping out of it... I'd want to insure that bridge


O NOES


such a high-quality chandelier


oh whoever could that possibly be in the pink dress up there?


PRINCESS PEACH TOADSTOOL!



...I am on top of a chandelier. Bowser is able to breathe fire. getting bruised is the least of my worries.




oh ok

"Will Mario be able to rescue Princess Toadstool?"
"Will Bowser sufficiently prepare Mario for the great beyond?"
"Will the chandeliers follow basic laws of physics and fall under the massive weights of Mario and Bowser?"
"Tune in next time on... SUPER MARIO RPG!"

hooray battle time. at least we're getting rid of bowser now instead of later


ooh it seems my jump is pretty powerful here



...do you not realize how big of a safety hazard that is? all three of us could fall to our deaths if I went with your stupid plan. granted the game already broke physics by not having the chandeliers shatter under our weights, so I guess...


hmm maybe it's the chain that I just attacked... pay attention silly bowser


this sounds very unconvincing. if this was an audition, I would have stopped him right there





I found it weird how this game gave a simple chain a name... and how bowser referred to the chain by that name...


SO LONG, GAY BOWSER!


looking at this picture again it looks like mario is about to commit suicide... and bowser is egging him on


not now, toadstool. I'm too busy defying all logic by sitting on this chain.


damn you don't need to yell you crazy bitch


this isn't street fighter, bowser


and now I'm defying more logic by sitting in midair! yay


mario looks so disappointed here



well that would have been the polite thing to do


this wouldn't be a problem if you could
a) have more competent plans
b) kill me
c) stop being a little whiny bitch about everything
but that's none of my business


considering we literally just started this game, it can't be it already. don't lie to yourself, bowser.


ooh to a fancy restaurant? let me put on my good overalls


this made me cringe so much for some reason


more defying physics by jumping straight up into the air

this game should be renamed "Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Broken Laws of Physics"


here it looks like mario is striking a pose on the chain and toadstool is yelling at him




yeah and completely ignore how I am STANDING ON A CHAIN


I wonder if she actually said the word "shriek"


"Fight, Toadstool! FIGHT!"


and now let's cut to a seemingly unrelated cutscene. I gotta admit those clouds look pretty



what's going on?



it seems a giant sword that fell from the sky went and stabbed bowser's castle... I want to say that sentence outloud in a sophisticated setting lol


oh thanks for reminding me which game this was. I thought I was playing zelda

why do all of mario's falling positions look like he's sitting down in midair...


mario's house looks kinda cool here, just take off the "PipeHouse" sign



he fell straight through the pipe into the house... I wanted him to fall on top of toad


"well I'm sorry I was not able to direct my fall in front of the door so that I could walk in normally just to satisfy society's needs, bitchass"


I hate this guy so much. first he's all whiny about us not walking through the door, and now he's being all demanding about toadstool. and he hasn't even asked why I was falling through the air with a shocked face yet. selfish bastard


mario looks like he hanged himself here. but since this is a kids' game, he's perfectly fine and totally not suffering any neck trauma like a normal person. let's walk outside and beat up that little shit then


DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNOW YOU FUCKER


"oh, you want to know why?"

"you are the lowest form of life I have ever had the misfortune to meet. you place your needs and desires far ahead of the problems affecting your friends, and only help them when you get something out of it. you are a selfish, inconsiderate asshole. I don’t think I ever got a "thanks" from you for saving your ass in SMB. I'm not talking to you, because you are not worthy of my respect, my courtesy, and my words."


"and now you're just accusing me of stuff? wow. I hate you more and more with every word that comes out of your pathetic mouth."


"'we'? as far as I know, I'm the only one who goes after bowser, while you and all your little shit friends just goof off and wait for Super Mario to save the day YET AGAIN."


"oh my god. you even know that's what I always do."

"you know what?"

"no."

"I'm not saving the princess this time."

"I propose... a role reversal."

"I want you to go out and save the princess, while I stand around doing plumber things and being a lazy fuck."

"deal? deal."

"this adventure... is over."
not really